if I should die

I got to have a best friend who is all the things a best friend in the movies is, and a thousand more that are impossible to put into words.

I got to find the love of my life, who showed me how much I needed him by always being there.

I got to have a sister that pulled things out of me I didn't know I had. Who pushed me to be strong and took the hit for me when I couldn't.

I got to have a mother who gave me wings so big that sometimes I feel like I can't carry them. But reminded me that sometimes being great is small and quiet, gentle and thoughtful.

In turn I've found a lifetime of people who look closely, listen carefully, wait patiently. Who know without words and always have their hand right there for me to grab.

That I feel this, even for a second is a giant gift. That I have time to complain about frivolous things is a testament to how many important things I have.

Life is sweet and good.

The tide is high...

...and it really didn't matter if I was holding on.



This was the last thing I saw before getting totally douched by a wave. I don't think it was this wave (I wasn't taking pictures when it happened, I was hunting for Turk) but the last thing I remember is quite similar to this—Tom moving suddenly and me thinking I should probably pay attention.

It completely destroyed my camera but I managed to get the memory card out and the photos were there. I guess that's something. Turk's first trip to the coast (and my first hookie day in a long time) cost me about $400. I don't know how many times I have to learn the lesson about warranties...and not taking your eyes off the waves.

This was right before that...big difference in where it landed.



But we had fun. Turk still got to run and play and the shore was foggy and deserted in the most beautiful way.



I'm trying to laugh about it. Trying not to feel defeated by things that go wrong, or I break, but I've been doing a lot of that lately (breaking things I love). Morgan's awesome bigfoot mug that my mom made him, the ceramic cow we had growing up that I loved, and so on...

No molesté Emily...no molesté por favor.

(more photos here)

fall fotos

Flutter Soiree made my heart flutter.



Dudley's Third Birthday at Lee Farms.



Mushroom Hunting near Timothy Lake.



Don't know if the days are photo-worthy or my eyes are wanting, but in either case I hope it continues...

Janet

Those of you who read this know I complain a lot. And when I'm not complaining, I'm whining. In fact, when Morgan and I were first dating, he shared his Achewood comics with me and this one was my favorite. We joked that I was Janet and he was Chug-a-lug, not because it was totally true, more because they were both things we were sensitive about.




Somehow I ran across the Work Happy Now! site and stayed there for a long time. The post(s) about not complaining for 30 days was(/were) my favorite. My attitude has been better but as things get busy I am finding myself less blindly thankful to just be working, and more complaining about people's idiocy.

Here's ths link if you're interested in reading/participating:
http://www.workhappynow.com/2008/11/no-more-complaining-at-work-challenge/


It's about bringing awareness to your thoughts, which is a somewhat universal approach.

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”

- Buddha

In one of the posts he breaks down the different types of complaints:

* Whining (The worst form of complaining)
* Complaining to create laughter (A skill that most comedians have perfected)
* Complaining to share experiences (Excellent social tool)
* Complaining to probe (This form of complaining allows you to informally protest. If people agree they will join in. Then you know that you are of like mind.)
* Complaining to take action (Maybe my favorite form of complaining. We all need to vent about stress and problems in our lives. The idea is that we put ourselves out there to others, which means that we state an informal complaint. Now that other people know what’s bothering us, it’s up to us to take action. That may mean changing the situation or just letting it go and not complaining about it any longer.)

So if you notice me biting my lip. Or being less funny. Or less relatable. This is probably why. But I need you to encourage me nevertheless. I have known for a long time that I want my words to be more "I did, I love, I enjoyed" and less "I can't, I struggle," and "you're an idiot."

Sunday Hangover Quilt

Last night we went out for Keith's birthday party/CD release party. I didn't think I would have a late night in me after such a long day at the market, but being around such great people was just the fuel I needed.

Today I'm paying for a little bit, but I did muster up enough energy to make soup. The minute I got up to start chopping Morgan and Turkey took over Sunday Hangover Quilt. I guess the no dogs rule is already out the window, but it's so adorable I don't even care.





I'm going to be such a good parent. So consistent. Unwavering. Solid. Solid as a rock.

saccharin

I wish I was cool enough to make my blog all pictures (like Shannon's Wordless Wednesdays), but I don't take enough pictures, or scan the internet enough, or digest what I scan on the internet enough to glean out the awesome.

Manders is so much concentrated awesome that it's overwhelming. There are a lot of these blogs out there (usually via Tumblr it seems). I suppose it's kind of like sugar when you are a little kid. If it were up to you, you'd just eat it all the time non-stop and you don't understand why your parents are always trying to force things of substance in your belly. Maybe beauty isn't meant to be digested like this but boy it's delicious. Candy! Candy! Candy!


Manders via @design_sponge.

Okay, sorry. Sugar overload. But it lead me here. To this bit of sweetness.



Typewriter Blues via Manders

This just summed up my feelings for Morgan in a way I never could. (My feelings for my laptop and doughnuts are not quite as strong.)

Thank you manders, typewriter and most of all Sweetie.

LCD

Saturday I woke up very anxious before I had to teach. I'm not sure if it was because of dreams or because I was nervous, but I started the day a mess. The class started off well however, and people seemed to understand what I was talking about. We talked about different animation styles and I got to show some fun examples that people enjoyed. But then people started coming up and asking when they could leave. Asking if they could work ahead. One girl tore through it and really understood it so I let her go, but that's because the work was all there. Unfortunately that opened a giant can of worms and I spent the next 2.5 hours having people come up to me with barely filled out storyboards asking if they could leave. And then getting pissed because I said they couldn't. I got a lot of "you mean I have to write out EACH one!" Yes, you have to write out all five of them, on each of your five pages. I know! I'm such an A-hole!

This made me feel like A) a bad teacher because people were not getting it (and I didn't just put the brakes on the whole leaving early thing) and B) really really irritated with hearing "what is the bare minimum I can do to get you to give me a passing grade." I tried to keep smiling but I know I wasn't doing a good job at hiding my irritation (surprise).

There were some people who stayed until the end and made sure they got it right and did more than they needed to. I know there will always be that spectrum, but I hope they don't let me go. Everyone there always talks about how amazing Sabrina is and how lucky they are to have her. Which is true but it makes me feel like a sad stand in...and totally replaceable. I'm going to make it my mission to be irreplaceable. I heard on the radio this morning that something like 2400 students graduated with teaching degrees (masters) and 600 of them were placed. If I really want to keep doing this I need to be pro at it. Not that I'm totally being hard on myself, I do all right, but I want to be better. I want to walk away from it feeling like I not only reached the good students, but also the lazies and the people that are just taking it because it's a requirement.

I know I for sure have at least a couple more chances to get it right. I think I just need to channel Robin Williams. Wear a wacky hat and stand on the desk or something.